Do you ever have days where everything hits you the wrong way, or nothing seems okay? Where no matter how much you tell yourself to put your big girl panties on and pull them up all the way, your life just seems to suck anyway?
I was feeling that way this morning, just as I had been for several days—weeks really—and I finally got tired of it; really, really tired of it. I had to figure out some way to get myself in motion and alleviate the pain, to get past the blues and back on the path to sunny skies. So here’s what I did. . .
First of all, I decided I would feel much better if I ate a proper meal. I had been skipping regular meals and subsisting on a less-than-nutritious diet (read junk food), and I figured my body, brain, and spirit could do with something more nourishing. So of course I went to Starbucks. (All natural and better than McDonald’s, right?) And the added benefit of this decision was that it got me out of the house and into the open air. Listening to the birds, watching fluffy, white clouds sailing through the sky, and feeling a soft breeze swirl around me were a good start to lifting a low spirit.
Then came the food. I love Starbucks’ Jade Citrus Mint Green Tea, as well as their Bacon-Gouda-Egg Sandwich. (How I came to love this particular combination is a story for another day). By the time I got back home, I was ready to go on to the next step—get my mind occupied with something creative that would leave no room for backsliding into inertia or too much negative self-talk.
As I was finishing my meal, I received a timely text from a good friend and mentor. In her message she let me know that she treasured the friendship we share—meaning she also treasured me—and closed her text with this paraphrase: “Go forth and do good in the day the Lord has made.”
For some reason, that phrase struck me as surprisingly apropos to my day (ha-ha, what a joke, right? There are no coincidences in life, simply prompts from the Universe). It started me wondering just how I could do good from where I was: alone, housesitting a friend’s home in a city not my own. Just exactly where was I to go forth, and how was I to do good in a place where I knew no one and nothing about? Then I thought about what I like to do and (possibly) have a talent for—in my mind at least—and I decided writing was just the ticket. I had not paid attention to my blog in quite a while, so I thought this might be a good time to get back to it. Maybe I could help even one other person get through her day by something I would say. It did not take long to decide what to write about first!
My theory is that the Universe does not tolerate slackers. It will allow a short period for being blue, sad, and/or overwhelmed with emotions, but only a certain amount of leeway is granted. Not that a person has to be perky and upbeat all the time, but we do need to stay tuned in to what Spirit is trying to tell us. This is especially true when we are feeling down, because that is when we tend to turn away and ignore what the Universe is saying. BUT, there is no turning away for long. The Universe will stay on us until we start paying attention again, first with subtle hints and reminders, then with more obvious signs until finally, the Universe nudges us with some pretty strong slaps and flat-out knock-down punches to get our attention. And some of those punches, although necessary, are not pleasant.
I have taken a few of these slaps and punches lately, and I will say they have knocked me for a loop. Coming on top of a series of smaller emotional issues to deal with, it seems like I barely stop reeling from one upset when another comes along. It has been hard to see where the lessons are, what the underlying truth is in regard to this uncertain and unsettled time of my life. It has been a struggle to talk to Spirit, much less listen for “the message” I am supposedly receiving. Even now, the urge is to give in to the sadness and anger in a rage against the unfairness of the Universe; to reject and abandon Spirit with my fractured intellect, rather than going to my heart to contemplate quietly, examine the pain and, above all, rest in the gentleness of Spirit within my wholeness.
So, I guess I am still a little—or maybe a lot—angry and sad, a little unsettled about some of the ups and downs in my life. However, after putting aside the self-pity, I am now also more ready to sit still, examine the truth of what lies before me, and release the pain and doubt. I can be open to receive the comfort Spirit offers, and accept these new adventures the Universe has presented me.
I will close with this message I received a couple of days ago from “The Universe” (Mike Dooley, A Note From the Universe):
What do you mean, you can’t see it? You don’t know? You aren’t sure? You’re scared? This is an adventure, you’re an adventurer, uncertainty, fear, and even setbacks happen. Besides, “easy” has never been your style, and just because you can’t see the miracles doesn’t mean they aren’t happening, doesn’t mean you’re alone, and doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path. . . . Today, you’re exactly where you most need to be.
Many good thoughts and blessings,
This Old Crone